Hello, everyone! I’ve been asked several times about when I’m posting a new thing on here. My dad kept saying to write about how good I’m doing because my last one was sad and kind of a downer. It has definitely been a while and I am doing better, but I’m not going to lie.
Let me start by saying that I am by no means miserable. I am frustrated. I have gone one month with the weird feeling in my chest and the inability to call my mom. I have gone one month with trying to stop myself from freaking out every Sunday because I have nothing to do except think about the papers I have no idea how to start. I have gone one month dreading the next month because there is no way of knowing if it is going to be any better than this month. It’s always been gone after a few days or a week. It hasn’t been more than that since I was in 8th grade.
College is really freaking stressful. Every adult says, “oh, you’re so lucky! I wish I could go back!” It’s so hard! I spend every day going to class and work and then I come back to my room and read article after article and textbook chapters and do online French labs. It all results in grades that are fine but they aren’t good enough because I’m a perfectionist and tests give me so much anxiety it’s ridiculous. Don’t get me wrong, I love school, and I am aware of what a priveledge it is to get to go to college. I know that I’m lucky and I’m really grateful that I can be here, but it’s just so much harder than anyone tells you it’s going to be.
I love my job and I love my friends and I am completely obsessed with the dogs that I walk, but I’m tired. I just want it to go away. But it being around means that I’m alive. I wouldn’t be me without it. I care, which is why homework makes me so anxious, and I know that. It sucks, but I think in the end it’s worth it. In May of 2019 I’ll look back on it all and definitely want to repeat it because this is way easier than the real world.
So there’s my update. Noli timere.