Well, after a two month hiatus I have returned. I’m sorry I was inactive for a while, but things got kind of crazy over here. I meant to post something after the election about the state of my campus and what my thoughts were, but by the time I started to decompress I was tired of seeing election posts everywhere and I figured everyone else would feel the same way. Then Thanksgiving happened and I went home and promptly got bronchitis and then came back and got swept up in finals mode which is currently eating my soul. So here I am. Right off schedule, but here nonetheless.
This semester was really hard. Emotionally speaking, I was fine. Despite normal freak-outs over exams being harder than the study guide, there weren’t really any issues. I got normally anxious, which is a big step for me. When I say it was hard, I mean that it was hard. I have doubted frequently whether or not I’m actually smart or if I deserve to be at Dickinson. I know exactly what I want to do with my life, but at several points these last few months and honestly right now as I’m trying to figure out a final essay prompt, I seriously doubted if I can actually get there. The obsessive part of my mind thinks about grad school and actually having to do well here to get there and that’s extremely daunting because I feel like I’m 12 half of the time. BUT finals will end and I’ll go home and pet my dogs and it will be okay again. It’s a matter of just finishing the race, and we’re almost there.
Another thing I noticed was that I wasn’t the only one who felt this way. It seemed that all of my friends from home and at school were all really struggling. We’re overwhelmed and questioning our majors while also trying to stay sane, and it’s taking its toll. I’m not sure how many of my friends actually read this, but regardless I want them to know that I adore them and it’ll be worth it one day when we are exactly where we want to be. Before college started, everyone said, “I’m so jealous, you’re going to have so much fun! I wish I could go back!” They definitely were overworked and exhausted and anxious but it still is a positive memory for them. There are really hard parts about college, but there are always the moments that make you glad you were around to see it.
So. Chin up. Take breaks and eat some pizza. Follow a stranger until they let you pet their dog. The little things sometimes make you the happiest.
Noli timere, friends. We’re almost there!